and he's off!...2003-08-05 11:23 a.m.

The Daddyman got a caretaking job! This, in theory, means that he will move out of my home. I think that would be good. He also says he probably has work lined up after the job he's working at is through. More good news. Things are as messy as ever but it's easy to keep your head above the surface.

Mess- I'm not sure that actually pertains to the Daddyman though, because at last my feelings, although complicated, are not messy. The wound just never bleeds anymore, even when it gets caught on stuff. I told him the other day that I want to look at him the way I thought my estranged sister looked at me. Like an old acquaintance. And that's true. But if I viewed him as a stranger, it would only make him "need" to somehow close that gap. He would never have the presence of mind to realize that he's been courting that distance for years. He talks to me about Olga and her behavior is so like his in so many ways. Olga is really mean on top of everything else so it's as if he fell for someone like himself and as mean as his mother.

He says that he has to be able to touch base with her to be able to make sense of what happened between them over the past year. I think what's wise is to keep her in reality enough that she doesn't become this object of romanticized unrequitement.

Some days I feel like my head is on awfully straight after all.