paint by number anxiety;2003-08-26 2:11 p.m.

I'm having an anxiety attack. Maybe not really- but it's been a really long time since I've felt anxious at all. The anxiousness I'm feeling now seems unbearable, yet I bet I could be distracted from it.

Why am I anxious?

Daddyman called because he's feeling unloved. He's feeling abandoned and useless and bored. So he called me hoping I might leave work to play hookey. He said he wishes we had more time alone.

He and Olga broke up.

Even though they weren't "together" anymore, really.

He said he understood that work was the priority, but I could tell that he was really disappointed that I didn't jump at the chance to comfort, console, and coddle him.

He is my baggage that I wish would get shipped to Tuscon accidentally.

His blues have given me the reds. Anxiety is possibly more of a pulsing fucshia.

My decision has been sound. I sit here bored, but still will not leave.

I can breathe. sorta.